Natasha had marrow puncture in the morning. Anesthesia should have gone by now, but Natasha still can’t or don’t want to regain consciousness. The Kommersant photographer had a few moments to make a picture of Natasha with her eyes open.
Photo: Ïèòàëåâ Èëüÿ
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You Mustn’t Want to Die
// But Natasha Kolmogorova asks her mum about it
Natasha Kolmogorova, 13, has leucosis. She will not survive without marrow transplantation. She lives in pain. The pain is so excruciating that the girl has asked her mother several times to let her die.
“Natasha, wake up! Natashenka, open your eyes!” Mum bends over Natasha’s bed. “Natasha, look at me! Natasha.”
This girl is lying flat on her back. She is beautiful. She has big eyes and translucent skin. It is so transparent that you can see her desperately sick blood running in thick blue veins on her neck.
“Natasha! Wake up! Natasha!” I call her, standing at her bedside.
The girl opens her eyelids, but there are just blank eyes beneath. Heryes are rolled up to the forehead. The girl can hear us calling but she cannot go back to us or does not want to.
“Natasha, don’t be shy!” our Kommersant photographer says. “Look at me. I’ll just take a shot and that’s all.”
Natasha’s mother pulls the girl about and tells me that the girl has never been ill or never experienced any pain before the decease. They come from Shadrinsk, in Kurgan Region. Natasha adores playing with her younger sister. Natasha’s mother shows me the picture where Natasha holds a baby in her hands, and the two of them are just beaming. When Natasha fell ill, Kurgan doctors did the first marrow puncture for her without anesthetics. Doctors normally try to do puncture without general anesthesia to spare a child’s heart and kidney. Natasha’s mum says the girl was howling. Just like a wild beast. Natasha had never thought that there could be such pain in the world full of cheerful babies and fluffy little animals.
Doctors in Ekaterinburg told Natasha’s mum that they would agree to treat the girl for 2 million rubles. Their colleagues in Chelyabinsk promised to do the same for 600,000. Natasha’s mother spent some nights crying in despair because she had no idea that the child’s treatment could cost so much. Natasha’s grandmother had raised all money she could from friends and sent Natasha and her mother to Moscow. Treatment here, at the Federal Center for Pediatric Oncohaematology, is free only if the child does not need to have marrow transplanted. But Natasha has such a severe form of leucosis that she needs transplantation.
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For those who are encountering the Russian Aid Fund for the first time
The Russian Aid Fund was founded in 1996 to assistant the authors of desperate letters sent to Kommersant. We verify the letters with the help of local authorities, then publish the letters in Kommersant, Domovoi magazine and on the site www.rusfond.ru. If you decide to help, you will receive the banking details of the authors of the letters, and the rest is up to you. You just help you help. This approach has been popular with our readers. More than $8.4 million has been collected. We also organize relief efforts during national catastrophes, for 53 families of the miners who died in the Zyryanovskaya Mine in Kuzbass, 57 families of the policemen who burned to death in Samara, 153 families of the victims of explosions in Moscow and Volgodonsk, 118 families of the sailors who died on the submarine Kursk, 52 families of the hostages who died in the seizure of the performance of Nord Ost, 39 families of those who died in the Moscow Metro on February 6, 2004, 100 families who suffered losses in Beslan. The Fund is the winner of the Silver Archer award.
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Address: P.O. Box 50, 125252 Moscow, Russia
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Punctures are done with anesthetics here because the girl is so sensitive to pain. Natasha had another puncture this morning. She was unconscious. Anesthesia should have gone by now, and Natasha should be awake, but she cannot or does not want to wake up.
Consciousness is monstrous. When Natasha has no anesthetics, she turns to the wall and keeps silent. She does not get up because getting up makes her vomit. All these long months she has been lying there with her face turned to the wall. A doctor drops in but she does not speak to him. Volunteers come to cheer her up, but she is silent with them too. A boy, Timon, writes Natasha emails and text messages every night: “Hi Natashik! New Year is coming. There are lots of tinsel and toys at shops. You can be sure – there’s a surprise in store for you.” Natasha does not reply to Timon’s texts.
At night when there is no one in the ward except for her mum, Natasha sometimes starts to speak and says: “Mum, please do something so I could die. I can’t bear this pain any more.” Or she says: “Mum, please do something so that I could die. You’ll have another daughter instead of me.”
“Natasha! Natasha! Wake up!” the mother bends over the girl. “Say something. Open your eyes at least. Here are newspaper people to see you.”
A quarter of the pupil appears on the edge of Natasha’s eyelid for a while like northern sun but it soon goes back to the forehead.
“Natasha!” I did not know what to say. I have never taken an interview with kids who were unconscious. “We’re not from a newspaper. We’re from a book. Take a look at us. I’m Gandalf and he…” I motioned at the photographer, “he is an elf. Look what weird pointed ears he has! Well, we’re from a movie, actually. I’m King Kong and he’s Godzilla. Wake up!”
Natasha opens her eyes – huge, gorgeous, grey, frightened and curious.
I wish I could take a seat next to her, take her thin fingers, look into her frightened eyes and say that the pain will fade. You need to bear it. If pain is unbearable – you’ll lose consciousness, if not – you won’t, so it means you can bear it. I have seen dozen of kids with blood cancer, and they have made full recovery. You’ll forget the pain when you have recovered. You mustn’t want to die. We’ll find money. You mustn’t want to die. We’ll find medicines. You mustn’t want to die. You need to get up and walk. You mustn’t want to die. You should answer to Timon’s messages. You mustn’t want to die… How I wish I could say these things to her.
“Natasha! Can you hear me?”
The girl shuts her yes and loses consciousness again. The photographer had a few moments to make pictures when Natasha had her eyes open. …in fact, what I wanted to tell her is not true. I have seen a lot of kids with blood cancer but just as many as those who have recovered have died. In fact, I know that this pain is unbearable. In fact, I’m not sure that we will find a marrow donor and medicines. In fact, Natasha needs the donor and medicines, but not my sticky-sentimental lullaby.
I didn’t know if the girl could hear me, but I said nonetheless:
“Goodbye Natasha, get well soon!”
The girl made a hardly discernable gesture with her fingers. This was her way to say goodbye to me.
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774,863 Rubles Needed to Save Natasha
Alexey Maschan, deputy director of the Federal Center for Pediatric Oncohaemotology, said that Natasha has “severe lymphoblastic leucosis with unfavorable genic reorganizations.” Usually this form of leucosis is found with adults. This kind of blood cancer is different from others in the way that “it practically leaves no chances to reach a full remission with conservative ways of treatment – with Glivek and chemotherapy.” Those afflicted with this sort of leucosis will sooner or later have a relapse. Transplantation of marrow is inevitable in this case. It is the only way for the patient to make recovery. In case the transplantation is a success, Natasha will have good chances to survive – no less than 70 percent. There have been three patients with this form of leucosis at the clinic, and all of them are healthy now.
Natasha has had the first stage of intensive chemotherapy. She is now undergoing the second one. Dr. Maschan says that “a relative remission has already been achieved.” Unfortunately, Natasha’s family proved to be unfit to be her donor. However, her family comes down to her mum and younger sister.
Russian doctors have turned to Germany-based Morsch Fund in search for an unrelated donor. The very first inquiry in Germany has found 614 potential donors for Natasha. What is more, the Morsch Fund began the selection of the fittest candidate out of 614 on November 27 on the security of the Russian Aid Fund, even before the deposit of ˆ15,000. We hope to raise the whole sum needed to save Natasha within the next couple of weeks and find the donor by that time.
The price of saving is 1,049,795 rubles. Apart from ˆ15,000 for the search of the donor and transplantation, 526,600 rubles is needed or medicines. Our partner, the Kapital investment group, will make a traditional contribution of $10,500. 774,863 rubles more is needed.
Dear friends! Your can make send your contributions in euros directly to the Morsch Fund (the German party, however, has asked to make each order at least ˆ1,000). Any sum in rubles can be transmitted to the bank account of Natasha’s mother, Larisa Kolmogorova. Banking details of the Morsch Fund and Larisa Kolmogorova are available at the Russian Aid Fund. Go to www.rusfond.ru for details.
Expert group of the Russian Aid Fund
Valery Panyushkin
All the Article in Russian as of Dec. 08, 2006
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